Julio the Robin must die.

Failure to Launch… Hilarious movie about a guy who still lives with his parents and needs a little help moving on with his life. But that’s not important. What is important today is the tiny subplot of an angst-filled girl, whose frustrations with life are culminated in a breaking point involving a mockingbird. She is done, pushed nearly over the edge, and this bird is glued to the tree outside her window day in and day out, singing its beautiful, yet shockingly irritating little song, embodying the life that taunts her at every turn. When the stifled love interest pays a visit, they finally find new life, and eachother, while hunching romantically over the sight of a Red Rider BB gun. Oh, the emotions that a good frenzy can stir.

Why is this relevant today? Because for five days, a robin named Julio has been a visitor at the Ottinger homestead. Five days, and no signs that he is thinking of moving on. Each morning, long before dawn, he decides upon the proper treetop from which to provoke me, locks his little talons onto a branch, and jeers incessantly until bedtime. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t stop. Five days. I’m starting to develop a tic.

IMG_4195.JPGAt first I thought he was a catbird; I never knew robins could be such little turds. But Julio is a fat and sassy robin, and is indeed a turd. He has taken the joy of springtime birdsong and turned it into something akin to chinese water torture. I am this close to enlisting my nephew’s Airsoft guns and taking matters into my own hands. It is time, dear Julio, for your song to drill itself into someone else’s head. Fly away, little birdie, fly away. For both of us, it is time for you to find a new tree.

** A few Failure to Launch disclaimers:

  • Family warning: Parents should definitely preview.  It is a great movie, but not always family-friendly.
  • There is immediate regret for the shooting of the mockingbird, and he is resuscitated successfully.

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