A little bit louder now

‘”In a dark time the eye begins to see.’ And this is the paradox: that black is white, that darkness is the mother of beauty, that the extinction of light is a revelation.”
~ Chet Raymo, The Soul of the Night

Without darkness, there is no light. Without depths, heights are not heights. Without suffering, love can’t bloom full. These are hard reckonings, and they lie at the very foundations of the universe. They are the unwelcome keys to spiritual growth, to the laws of nature, to the development of humanity. It is a simple–though anything but easy–truth that we need that fruitful darkness if ever we are to truly live into our potential and be the light.

It is a dark time indeed in America and on Earth, and I can’t help but notice that the collective eyes are beginning to see. This extinction of light is indeed a revelation; the revelation that we are the light, and it up to us to shine, brighter and brighter still for every single brother and sister who is choosing to snuff their own wicks of love. This darkness deep is awakening the primal call for dignity and decency and humanity in its fullest potential. It’s painful to admit if you, like me, have needed this to call you to attention.

We’re all a bit shell-shocked I think. Still standing in a stupor of disbelief. Reeling and struggling to absorb blow after blow to all that is good and lovely.

What did they do as Hitler rose to power?

We know now.

We’re doing it. I’m doing it. You’re doing it. Each of us is doing it.

How we could possibly have gotten to this place, to this point in history, none of us can fathom. But here we are nonetheless. We didn’t think it possible; who could even begin to believe it? We thought we were the exception; oh, how the mighty fall. We thought we could sit back and rest on our laurels, on the the benign influence of good laws under a free government. Our rest is over. It is time to rise.

No, I don’t know how.

Truly I haven’t a clue.

But I know that I need to be able to look my children and my grandchildren in the eye and tell them that I did something.

So, here are a few of the small, tiny, insignificant things that I’m doing. Nothing here is going to save democracy or the planet or even one person from the decimation coming down from on high, but at least I can say I threw my hat in with the good guys.

Just for the record, this is not meant to be a brag (which is good, because there’s not much to brag about). This is to show that everything counts, and that we all have to start somewhere. Me, I’m starting at the bottom. This is also to show, to me, that I’m not doing nothing. Because we can tell ourselves some crap sometimes. (You might consider making a list to shatter those lies yourself.)

I’m writing. Right here. Every now and then one of you lovely folks who read my words reach out and tell me that they made a difference to you, that they brought some light, that they helped you to get out of bed in the dead of this night. Just one of those makes this a worthy endeavor. Maybe you’re not a writer, but we all have ways of reaching out with the tendrils of love to hold one another up. Let’s find them.
I’m voting. Wisconsin had an election today. It was so small most people didn’t even know about it. But every one is big right now. Don’t miss a one.
I’m on the list of poll workers, to make those elections work. I wasn’t called on for today’s, but I’ll be at every one that they need me for.
I’m utilizing 5calls.org to make my voice heard. I’d like to say on a daily basis. But a few times a week I pick an issue and make some phone calls. The 5calls folks make it easy. My heart still races every time I hit dial, but if I can fumble through a script and blush in my own living room, so can you. (I’ma guess there are some other great tools out there to streamline this process. If you’ve got some, drop ’em in the comments please.)
I’m checking in on friends. Not like a stalker, but you know, trying to strengthen the web with wee little texts here and there. Sending all my love on the wire, so to speak.
Speaking of sending all my love on the wire, I’m working on that wire being my smile whenever I’m out there in the world. It’s not much, I know, but I can’t tell you how often a stranger’s smile has turned my day on a dime. You wouldn’t think staying awake to all the other humans around you would be such a challenge, but it is. Anyway, a work in progress. If you catch me in the Walmart and I’m looking grumpy (because that’s the default mode in the Walmart), smile big and teach me a lesson.
I’ve started participating in social media, just a bit. Mostly I share some stuff to my Instagram stories. That cross-posts to Facebook, which I avoid like the plague. Much of it is stuff to keep the collective chin up, videos of loons calling and other beautiful things, great and fantastic quotes, and the occasional hilarious meme about life in my head. All in the hope that I can bring a smile that someone brought to me. But also, lots of posts about the state of the union, because I no longer want there to be any doubt in anyone’s mind where I stand on LGBTQ rights or the status of my illegal neighbor. I’ve historically been an invisible presence, and have kept my politics to myself, but this is no longer about politics. If you want to crucify me for loving, have at ‘er. The gloves are off.
I’m on a local listserve that has had some lively political debate of late. I don’t partake, and barely even read through all the ranting, but a few folks have decided to try out a little face to face gathering where we can come together in love and see if we can’t find some common ground in the midst of all the vitriol. I’m going to the first one and have high and hesitant hopes. This is likely to require some speaking of which I am not a fan at all. Deep breath.
I’m still trying to use just a little less water every time I brush my teeth.
Tonglen is a cool thing. I’ve been practicing it for some time, and while it may not be ‘tangible,’ that doesn’t make it any less real. If you’re new to meditation overall, Headspace is pretty awesome.
Some of our best buddies were over for a potluck last month, and through the small, tiny, insignificant pondering of one wee little person in the group, we all agreed to pool manpower and start serving a monthly meal at the local shelter. The hubs and I used to do this with some of our kids when they were younger, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been out there taking care of folks. It’s about time and I can’t tell you how excited I am for this. We start this weekend, and I’m on for March.
In a similar vein, I’ve doubled down on taking care of me. My body. My mind. My soul. My me. We’re eating good food and working the bodies, all in an effort to age a little more gracefully from here on out, cuz these bods are quite the gifts and deserve our best. And I’m trying really hard to stay in the flow, even when the pull of the eddies of doom is great. This is not small, nor tiny, nor insignificant. It is essential.
I’m trying so hard to remember I know nothing. Trying to villainize less, which is no small order right now. Trying to see all the ways I botch it. Trying to do better. This is a neverending task.
I’m patronizing the local library like a mad woman. Full disclosure, this is just what I do, like on the regular. But right now, the intention is full up with rage and fury and pumping up the circulation. I think I’ll start ordering banned books every week, just to keep ’em moving. This shouldn’t be hard, as literally everything is being banned these days.
I’m helping where I can help. That is not everywhere, and not much. But life presents us with opportunities, and I’m working at meeting them with goodwill and a giving heart. Face to face, we’ve got to take care of one another. Better to do it with a smile I suppose.

And what the hell… how about an aspiration?

I hesitate to even mention it here, but I would like to start a Hate Has No Home Here Potluck somewhere in my local community. A monthly gathering where everyone is welcomed, where the marginalized are protected and loved, where the only requirements are love and a dish to pass (and even the dish is optional). I’ve been noodling this one since the election, and haven’t admitted it out loud until now. I’d just like there to be a safe space where kids like mine and yours know they won’t meet judgment or hatred, where your culture and the color of your skin only add to the beauty of the palette, where the undocumented community knows they won’t be questioned, and where those who are struggling to pay for eggs know they can show up empty-handed and still be welcomed in and we can all tuck into some good food and loving company. It seems like such a good idea, but wow are we out of my wheelhouse. If you’re local to the Nexus of the Universe and want to help me kick this one into gear, you know where to find me. I shall now tuck this one back away in the folds of fear and trembling until such time that a great upwelling of courage overtakes me.

“Be patient. You’ll know when it’s time for you to wake up and move ahead.”
~ Ram Dass

I hope that you have a small, tiny, insignificant list of your own (Umm… make one now. I gotta say, that list is a lot longer than I thought it would be. Writing shit down is magical.), and I hope that together, we can grow and grow and grow until we’re bursting at the seams and we’re firmly planted in the middle of a resistance that brings the light back to the world.

Time to love louder. Louder. LOUDER.

“What you deserve is not pain but peace–peace in whatever form it takes. If your peace is small and broken, carry it close to you, whisper to it now and then, nurture it until it grows and can take a turn carrying you. Keep Moving.”
~ Maggie Smith, Keep Moving